Seven team-specific fake eBay listings, ready to go every cycle, styled exactly like the real site — photo, description, seller, and current bid. The items are always something your team has misplaced, squandered, or never possessed. Reserve has not been met, and never may be met.
Vintage Helmet — SCUFFED, ‘The Good Old Days’
A classic silver and black helmet with the blue stripe. It has a few scuffs from a time when the team actually hit people. It reminds us of a simpler era before the owner started throwing beverages at the paying customers.
$2,003
current bid
Clear Plastic Cup — EMPTY, ‘The Tepper Toss’
A completely empty, clear plastic stadium cup with a few remaining ice cubes at the bottom. It was allegedly tossed from a luxury suite in Jacksonville by someone very upset about a 26-0 loss. It comes with a $300,000 certificate of authenticity from the league office.
$300,000
current bid
Positive Thinking Book — HIGHLIGHTED, ‘The Canales Method’
A heavily highlighted motivational self-help book about positive thinking. It belongs to Head Coach Dave Canales. He reads it every morning before looking at the depth chart. It is the only thing keeping the building from collapsing into pure despair.
$24
current bid
Trade Invoice — CROSSED OUT, ‘The Number One Pick’
A printed invoice for a massive trade to acquire the number one overall pick. It lists DJ Moore and several future first-round picks. The entire document has been angrily crossed out with a red marker. It is very painful to look at.
$9
current bid
Super Bowl Trophy Display Case — EMPTY, ‘The Void’
A beautiful, custom-built mahogany and glass display case. It is completely empty. It has a small brass plaque at the bottom that is also blank. It gathers dust perfectly. It is a monument to patience, suffering, and the NFC South.
$50
current bid
Brian Burns Trade Receipt — DISCOUNTED, ‘The Haul’
A framed receipt for the Brian Burns trade. It shows a return of a 2nd and 5th round pick. It was framed next to an older, rejected offer of two 1st round picks. The older offer has been burned. This is all we have left.
$25
current bid
Foam Finger — EXHAUSTED, ‘Keep Pounding’
A well-worn, slightly faded light blue and black foam finger. The foam is tearing at the edges and looks completely exhausted. It has been pounding for many difficult seasons. It just wants to rest, but it cannot. It must keep pounding.
$1
current bid
